Blacklisted

It does take me a while but I have finally realized that I have been blacklisted. This is no fly by the seat of my pants realization, it is a theory that I have looked long and hard at and came to this conclusion, by checking the facts and re checking them.  L, she is doing some of the damage.  She is going around and smearing my name and my life to anyone who will listen.  Little does she know her husband P was the sole perpetrator.  He is the predator.  And yet I get black listed.  So many people have told me over the last 2 years to hush hush about what he did.  Therapists have told me to keep what he did to me a secret.  Let what he did to me go and move on.  It is surprising what our society will allow to be kept hidden.  For me I have been shunned and little by little people look at me just like L & P want them too.  I reach out to people who I was hoping were still my friends or who might be a good support person and they have no time for me.  so even though I try so hard to stuff and not bring up my past, I sit alone.  I am starting to like it that way.  But mostly I don't like going out of the house at all. That has  been fantastic.  Little by little I have stopped reaching out and no one has really noticed.  I am looking at it like somewhat of a social science experience.  How long will it take before no one will reach out. Will it be days ( that one has already been answered, it has been days.)  Will it be a week, mostly true.  I have to chart that.  And so on I go.  The name Kirsten Walsh has become synonymous with bad new and annoying, danger and a ruined.  STAY FAR AWAY! Be Warned. k~

Yesterdays

I see my yesterdays pile up.   I see more of my yesterdays then I focus on my present.  I most certainly don't look to tomorrow. Tomorrow for me is another yesterday, already.

I will be forgotten.  One that said we would talk this weekend will not remember. One that said we could get together this weekend will leave it up to me to call. One that said they wanted to talk more will let another week go by until I call. 

I submerge myself in art now more and more everyday.  I care for my animals and my home the best I can, but as I can see, it isn't good enough.

Tonight Rick got ENRAGED, rightly so, that he couldn't find his uniform  for work.  He had every right to be as mad as he was.  I am lazy and useless.  He knows it and I know it.  

I am home all day.  He should need for nothing, absolutely nothing.  I guess that is my goal.  I guess that is what I need to do.  Focus on others only. 

It's too late to focus on resolve with P. He got away with all that he did.  I was made to wait too long and now he lives a happy life. A forgiven life. L still meddles in mine I know shes behind the Clayton incident. But I deserve that I guess.  Just remember, some lives are set out that if they continue to hurt others they will always win.  They will always be loved by their peers and held in high esteem.  They will "bury" their bodies and make sure they remain "buried" and I am a live "body" that can truly testify to that. 

k~