After so many months of hard work and perseverance, I believe I am turning around, I am doing the 180 if you will. I have shut the lid on what got blown off in 2014, this time, however, I made sure I used so many nails of iron and others of steal that won't rust. I also added a few things different. I added a few air holes. I think this will allow what will never go away, to breath a bit and not beg to come out and rear it's ugly head so often. I can't say there was any recovery in the 21/2 years, but as my husband put it, there as been some improvements in my health. I certainly can't deny that. I sleep better. I am not as down as often. I socialize more, however socializing comes with a HUGE *. I prefer to be alone most of the time. I keep up with my very busy family needs, animal care and for the most part house care. I keep up with my volunteering AND am looking for a part time job. I couldn't say that a year ago.
The people that hurt me so and blamed me for their short comings and greediness during my severe illness, they are living their life guilt free and happy, at least in my mind. Some people are just evil and don't care about others. I am proud that I am not one of those people. I am one to accept my wrong and take my blame and ask for forgiveness. Now it is time for me to move forward. Their hatred has defined me for too long. I am not what they made me for 2 years. I am kind and caring and I do wrong things and I feel guilty and ask for forgiveness. It is who I am. I am moving on.
This is going to be a tough job, healing and believing in myself. I feel up for it now. I have to be up for it. I have a family to care for.
So here's to me this new year on the eve of my birthday! People are people and I am one of them. I am good and try very hard. I always have. I have a strong compassion for people and do things that I feel will help others. I make mistakes just like everyone else. I have depression, anxiety, SI, low self esteem and several other things going on
. If I can make it anyone can. K~
