I wish I could remember when I quit DBT. I could stop writing and look at for the date. It is just on my desk inside but it is so beautiful outside and sunny, I don't want to go in and mess with that.
I want to be so very clear as I write what I am going to today. It is important for me to stress the difference between DBT the skills and DBT the individual therapy. The skills are priceless. I feel that they need to be taught in our school systems or our cooperate offices.
The skills are so very useful life skills, day to day skills and really wellness skill for daily life struggles with others and ourselves. My son is going through therapy to learn the skills. I am clear to his therapist that this is the ONLY reason I have taken him from his excellent therapist he had, to the DBT one he has now, IS FOR THE SKILLS.
It is the individual therapy where it gets tricky. DBT therapy believes that NO trauma can be worked on until one learns the skills. It is up to the therapist and a group of therapists to determine when trauma work can started. A person suffering from trauma can literally wait 3-5 years before any work on the trauma that brought them to therapy in the first place can be dealt with. If anyone disagrees with you, any professional in DBT, I would be happy to send them info to contact the therapist I had for over a year to discuss this.
We could talk about having emotions, about having feelings, etc. but no specifics. Numerous times I was yelled at if I brought up specifics.
WHERE AM I MENTALLY NOW....
It has been a few months now. I have to say I am at a much better place then I ever thought I would be at. Yes, I must add, I have buried my trauma that got ripped open in January 2014. That was all my childhood past traumatic memories. I still deal with some residual feelings that are coupled with the trauma I got involved with in February 2014. That was a mix of "the perfect storm" for me. As I further myself from my DBT therapist. I have became a much calmer person. Far more introverted in my thinking overall, but not afraid to say it like I feel it is when I feel I need to. That is how I always have been. I have always been there for the underdog. I just never stood up for me as the underdog but I am at least internally learning. I have on a couple occasions shared my opinions to others that have hurt me, but sadly they fall on deaf ears as they always have.
Today, I see a bit of a future for myself. 3 months ago, I saw no future at all. I couldn't even see how I was going to fit into the next day.
I think I got my bravery back. Enough praying and prayers from others, and God has finally granted me bravery. He allows me to stand on my own two feet. He allows me to see where I went wrong and know what to own and know what not to.
I can't yet forgive myself. For what I did is kind of unforgivable. But I know now that I didn't start it. I was manipulated by a master of manipulation. I was tricked by a heartless bastard. Those are facts. Those I know, as of today, I can hold onto.
k~
